


At the End of All Things

by Alexandrite811



Category: The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Missed Opportunities, Original Character(s), Possibly OOC Sam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-02-16
Updated: 2004-02-16
Packaged: 2019-10-23 15:45:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17686364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alexandrite811/pseuds/Alexandrite811
Summary: Upon a hill in the Shire a hobbit reflects on the past and present, lingering on the love that he found and lost in the Darkness of the War. Strengthened by necessity, Brightened by hope, he shares his secret...





	At the End of All Things

The Shire spread out before him in the fading light of sunset. The trees aflame with golden sparks of sunlight in the Autumn glory of their branches. The grass was still green and soft beneath him, but it was fading and the harvest was coming close. The circle of life continued on, just as it had during the dark time of strife he could still remember… still feel in his back, feet and mind. The pain and the glory that had woven the fabric of his own tale, his adventure, as Frodo and Bilbo had both phrased it. He had become a legend in his life, a hobbit that had followed a different path; one of four who had left for lands beyond and the battle against the darkness that had burned the Shire.

 

He was now both respected, feared, and suspect to the inhabitants of Hobbiton.

 

He couldn’t care one bit if those same people who’s window shone with warmth and life in the various hill and houses below him thought a lick about his worth or his integrity. They had never known the fear and cold of pure Darkness, no matter what evil had befallen them here. They who had known only hearth and home, warmth and company, eat and drink… who had, but for that period of time experienced nothing beyond comfort could never know the horrendous torment he and the others had endured.

 

But there wasn’t all darkness and despair in his journey…

 

Sighing he leaned back onto the ground, turning his gaze to the deepening blue of the sky and the faint twinkle of the stars and they flickered into life. Not all things were bad. He had strengthen his friendships with those he held most dear, joined in friendship with others as diverse as the seasons. He had seen the glory of Rivendell and known the beauty of the elves. The secrets of Moria, the cold heights of the mountains. Dwarves, and elves, and wizards, Tom Bombadil and the Water’s Daughter were his to claim friendship and acquaintance with.

 

He had witnessed the final voyage of the elves from the shores of Middle Earth. A rare honor and a sad one. He had seen an age pass away into the sunset and watched a love dwindle and disappear with it.

 

The prick of tears burned behind his eyes as they always did when he thought of that day. He could think of any of the hardships he had endured but that day would always tear his heart from his chest and bring forward the tears that he held tightly in check.

 

Beyond all things he had seen or done, the one thing that he treasured most was the love he had gained and lost in his adventure. A love like no other before or after.

 

Oh, he loved his family, cherished his wife and his children, but they were fated to hold second in his heart.

 

Only one would ever be first.

 

“Da?”

 

The voice was soft and female, as welcoming and homey as apple pie and a warm fire after a cold day in the field. A voice fit for pure hobbit comfort and joy, full of understanding and ease, but there was an underlying tone of wonder and an inquisitive nature that endeared it to her father. It was a voice fit for the woman that sat down beside Sam on that evening.

 

Turning his head Sam smiled up at his Elanor. She was beauty itself in his eyes and he would argue with anyone who said otherwise. The years had watched her bloom and grow into a fine young woman of three and twenty years.

 

Has it been that long?

 

She smiled down at him, a look of understanding in her eyes. She looked like her mother, but her eyes were her father’s and Sam looked into the eyes that so matched his own.

 

“Lany,” he answered, propping himself up to look out across the Shire once more.

 

Elanor mimicked his position and gazed with him for a few minutes, taking in the sight that was her home. Her father was a quiet man, gentle and kind and patient, but he was a deep one as well; deeper than anyone knew. Anyone but her. She saw it in his eyes at times, that old scar of pain and loss. She watched without seeing as he did, the memories replay over his face. Terror. Fear. Despair. Love. Sadness. They were all there, Samwise Gamgee was a man of many emotions and only a hand full of people knew it.

 

“The air is chill tonight, Da. Come in outta the cold.”, she plied sweetly knowing it was no good, but for good measure she added, “I’ll give you the first piece of the apple pie I made. Faramir has been eyeing it all day.” It was a tempting offer and as close to blackmail as she would come with one she loved, but he would resist, coming in only when the memories were satisfied and he was at piece with the world again.

 

“You know just where to aim for a man don’t you?” He laughed softly, “Right for the stomach.” He turned to her and smiled, relieving her as she noted that the memories were not bitter ones tonight. “As tempting and wickedly pleasing as that offer is, I’m not ready to settle for the night.”

 

Sam turned back to the sunset that was almost complete. His daughter was the best balm for the pain in his heart.

 

“But I wouldn’t be complainin’ to a little company for a while.”

 

Elanor, smiled and reached out for her father’s hand. “Of course.”

 

That was it. They sat in silence till the colors faded from the sky and the stars beamed brightly over head. The wind was chill but bearable and the night was silent and sweet with the smell of home and hearth. Time passed by, slowly and lingered gently on the pair…

 

This was something just for them.

 

“Tell me, Da.”

 

“Tell you what, Darlin’?” Sam asked, wondering which tale he would repeat for her tonight. She loved his stories and adventures and it pleased him more than he would admit.

 

Elanor squeezed his hand and asked what she had never asked before. “Tell me about your love.”

 

Sam sat very still, his mind pondering over her words. Never had she asked him that question and he wondered at the meaning behind it. She knew him better than anyone…

 

All but one…

 

She knew him better than he knew himself, but he wondered if she had seen that far.

 

“What do you want to know ‘bout your mother that I ain’t told you before?”

 

Elanor looked to him pleadingly, with an understanding that broke his heart.

 

She had seen _that_ far?

 

She met her father’s eyes openly, gently demanding the truth. “Not, Mother, Da.” Her gaze turned to lock on the sky and the treetops once more. “I mean, tell me about the one you loved before, Mother. The one that you love even still.”

 

Sam sat up and turned to his daughter, but she was quicker than him.

 

“I’m not implying that you don’t love mother, but I know you better than to believe that she is first in your heart. I knew it since of was three, Da.” It wasn’t painful to know that her father loved another, because he had enough heart left for her mother. “You love Mother and I know it, but it has been a long time since you were ‘in’ love with her.” She smiled softly, “Maybe you never were.”

 

“Oh, I was, Lany. I was.” He answered hoarsely.

 

“You’re mother was so beautiful and all grace and light. I fell for her the first time I saw her. She could light up the room with a smile and brighten anyone’s face with her laugh.” Sam smiled. “I loved her and still do..” He stopped. He stopped because he could not lie to his girl, couldn’t live with himself if he had.

 

“But…” She prompted easily, curiosity and hope in her eyes. She wanted him to tell her, wanted to know the person who had won his heart. She wanted to know that he had been happy and in love.

 

“But…” Sam affirmed softly. “There was another.”

 

“Tell about them.”

 

“You don’t want to know, Lany. T’would shame you I think.”

 

How could he tell of the one that had his heart? Who would always have his heart? Would she be able to understand?

 

“Nothing about you would ever shame me, Da. If this person was worthy enough for your love, she is worthy enough for my respect and gratitude.”

 

He flinched at the reference to a she but decided to skip around the main details and focus on the light. He turned back to the stars so he wouldn’t have to look at his daughter as he told of the love he had lost, told her only partially the truth.

 

“Blue were their eyes as the summer sky and they could change shades with their mood. From the lightest of baby’s to the deepest of sapphire’s to look on them was always a treat. Their hair was dark and deep as the earth after a rain and as soft as silk to the touch.” As he went on he closed his eyes, and let the image that hid behind his eyelids remind him. “Their smile was wicked and quick, they laughed rich and long when they were inspired, but there was a softness and a gentle wonder to their lips when lost in thought or simply smiling gently. Together with their eyes I was lost. There was always so much going on in their face that you had to be quick to keep up.”

 

He could see it all now. The youthful joy and wonder in those eyes. Eyes that were “so deep that you thought you would fall in them forever.” God, it seemed like yesterday that those eyes stared back into his with love and sadness.

 

He could feel the tear fall over his cheeks but didn’t wipe them away. She wanted to know this, and she would know the true extent. He was not ashamed of his love or his tears.

 

“A voice like their laugh, rich and deep and strong. Vivid and quick, but it could also be soft and soothing in the darkest of places in the most terrifying of dreams…” He caught himself and sought to rectify.

 

“They were quick and curious, like you are at times, always wanting answers and stories. They had the strength for great things, the vivacity to live life to the fullest. They wanted adventure…”

 

He paused here and Elanor finally looked back at her father, her eyes widening at the tears that she saw. She squeezed his hand.

 

“She sounds wonderful.”

 

This time Sam opened his eyes and staring straight into the heavens said something he had never told another soul.

 

“ _He_ was.”

 

Silence reigned between the two for what seemed like an eternity. One trying to read the other’s mind, the other trying to reason out the statement.

 

Elanor ran over the words in her mind, thinking she had mistaken the phrase, but her father had spoken clearly. He. Had her father truly found love with a man? That could not be, could it?

 

“Da…” She said uncertainly, but it was Sam’s turn to interrupt her sentence.

 

“I said he, Darlin’ and I meant it.”

 

There was no mistaking it now, no way of imagining it or pretending she had heard wrong.

 

“Why?” She asked.

 

“Because I loved him.”

 

“How?”

 

Sam smiled, caught between sadness and patience. “Love knows not gender, nor race. It holds its own accord and plays with us as it chooses. The moment I knew that I loved him was the day of Bilbo’s birthday party.”

 

“The day Mother fell in love with you…”

 

“The very same.”, Sam answered, “I told you love was fickle. I didn’t know that it was love then and perhaps it wasn’t just then, but it was the beginning. I remember looking at him and seeing everything in his eyes. In those fathomless depths I described. His laugh that day, made me blush for no reason and anything that brought joy to him was rapture to me.”

 

“Who?” Elanor asked, the romantic and understanding part of her warming to the idea. The thought of love as being unbiased was so pleasant and sounded so true. Her father spoke with honesty and love, he was giving her everything… something she assumed no one but his love had known and she was honored.

 

Sam smiled indulgently. “Why my bright young girl, can you not guess?”

 

Elanor thought, but not for long. She remembered from her small youth the vague flashes of memories. One person who had been there everyday, one who had stood on the fringes and yet been so much apart of everything that took place. His eyes, the endless blue that her father had said, his smile becoming full and whole in her mind.

 

Sam saw comprehension dawn in her eyes and pride filled him for some unknown reason.

 

“The very same.” He answered. “He was my life from that moment on. It was for him that I left the Shire, for no other would I have traveled to the ends of the Earth, for no other would I have even dreamed of such a thing, and for no other would I have left Rosie. She offered me home and happiness, he offered hardship and pain, but I wanted to be by his side.”

 

Elanor knew the tales but now she saw a different picture in the scenes, she saw the love and devotion in a new light and watched for the first time as the whole pain and wonder of her father’s journey panned out before her. Eyes wide with wonder and sorrow she listened to her father.

 

“From the depths of Moria, into the very fires of Mordor I followed. I would have died for him. I was willing enough, but he needed me to be strong. He bore the weight of the world on his shoulders and later in his eyes. They were ever endless but I saw the pain in them when I looked and yet I followed.”

 

“So much…” She whispered, her own eyes blurring with tears.

 

Sam reached out and pulled her into his arms, and she held him her tears falling silent.

 

“Why did it end? Why did it have to?”

 

Those two questions tore at his heart because he had asked them himself over and over.

 

“Even the best of things end at times. We returned, but none of use were the same after that. Merry and Pippin were taller, stronger, and more sure of themselves. I, I was just glad to be home and I welcomed the quiet that came after the restoration of the Shire, but he… he came back more altered than anyone. He had carried damnation to Hell and returned but at a price. He couldn’t find peace in this world anymore. The Shire was Heaven but even Heaven seemed unwelcoming.”

 

The look in his eyes those last days had been torture for Sam. He had married Rosie and perhaps that hadn’t helped his love any to know that Sam had a home, a wife and a child that he belonged to.

 

“You went to Hell and back for him and yet you married Mother?”

 

The smile this time was sad. “I can’t explain why, but to me your mother represented everything that I wanted at the time. Normalcy, family, acceptance, and roots. They were important to me. Something drove me to marriage and I am glad it did. Without my marriage I wouldn’t have you, Darlin’ and that would be all the more shame for me and the world.” He paused and then continued, “What I and he had would not have been accepted and I had hid the entire journey from monster and demons and Dark Lords. I was not prepared to hide anymore and I knew even then that he would leave. I saw it in his eyes every time they met mine.”

 

“Didn’t he love you enough to stay?”

 

Now he heard the anger in her voice, the desperate effort to defend her father.

 

“Don’t accuse him please.”

 

His voice was soft with resignation and Elanor couldn’t put up the effort to hate a man her father loved so much.

 

“He would have stayed if I had asked it of him, but I couldn’t. I saw the pain in his eyes and I couldn’t imagine that with him for the rest of his life. It wouldn’t have been right. I suppose that was another reason I married your mother… for him.” He chuckled softly, “I know that sounds strange, but with me married and with you in my life I had something to live for, something that would bring me joy. He could leave without guilt then. He had sacrificed so much of himself already that I couldn’t bring myself to be the cause of him sacrificing his one chance at salvation.”

 

Elanor held her father tightly.

 

“There now, love, it’s alright.” He comforted as he stroked a hand through her hair.

 

“How painful it must have been.”

 

“It hurt knowing that I couldn’t go with him. That he would find his peace far from me and that after all we had done we were to be parted at the end when Darkness and deception had been unable to separate us. Peace had done what war could not accomplish. I found that ironic, but true.”

 

“It wasn’t fair… “ she saw it now and it tore at her. “To either of you.”

 

“I brought it on myself, Darlin’. We both did I suppose… that is just life.”

 

“But..”

 

Sam laughed, “I finally quit making up excuses for myself, now don’t you go and start.”

 

She managed a weak laugh for his sake and looked up into the eyes of her father. A new awe of him lit inside her and she looked on him as if for the first time. Seeing what she had been only able to glimpse at before now. There was strength and pain more than she had ever imagined and she love him for it. Though she felt traitor to her mother she wished that her father’s love had won out that it had born through all time. That he had not left.

 

“You’re the only one I’ve told the story to, though others have guessed the secret.”

 

“Thank you…” she whispered and meant it.

 

“No, thank you… for understanding and listening. For accepting.”

 

She shifted and pushed away, standing up and shaking off the grass. He needed time alone now, to recover and strengthen back into the man he was. “Mother will be worried as I am suppose to help with dinner.” There was a lump in her voice, but Sam knew she would manage it before she got home. He knew his secret was safe and cherished in her. “Now don’t you doddle long, ya hear? That offer of pie is still yours after dinner.”

 

He simply smiled and nodded.

 

Overcome by emotion she turned and left quickly.

 

Sam just sat there, his gaze back out over the Shire. It had felt good to talk of him after so long. To have had someone who loved him to listen to him. He had been sincere when he had said thank you. Her acceptance meant more than he had known it would.

 

He would never regret his life as it was; oh, there had been and would always be ‘what ifs’ but no actual regret. There was not sense nor need. Why bother about changing once something was done. He had chosen. Frodo had chosen and that had been that.

 

Looking up into the night, away from the cozy comfort of Hobbiton, Sam watched a falling star and smiled.

 

“Why fret over what will be amended, eh, Mr. Frodo?” He asked of his absent love.

 

As many times at the remembrance of their final parting had caused him tears, only half of them had been of sorrow.

 

Sighing softly he stood and casting one more glance over his home and the stars began his journey back home.

 

The parting played out in him mind and there he was again, looking at his love with despair, questioning why he could not journey with him and through the night the words came as clear as they had been that day…

 

_“No, Sam. Not yet anyway…. Your time may come. Do not be too sad Sam. You cannot be always torn in two. You will have to be one and whole, for many years. You have so much to enjoy and to be, and to do.”_

 

He had tried to be one and whole, but it wasn’t possible. Frodo had been the other half of his soul and without him he had been only half a person. That half belong to Frodo, always would, so he gave the other half to his friends and family. Devoted it wholly to them. It was all he had left and though he knew they deserved so much more he could only pray that it had been enough to bring them joy.

 

He had blabbered on in fear of the lose but he had missed the most important part.

 

**_“Not yet..”_ **

****

His time would come, he knew it, and he would at last be with Frodo once more. He would be whole once more and by the side of his love.

 

Before he opened the door to his home he turned back, looked to the direction of the Grey Havens and whispered, in his mind and in his heart.

 

_‘At the end of all things, Mr. Frodo.’_

He brushed away the stray tear and let the Samwise that was husband and father come back. Let the strength make him as whole as it could. He would live as well as he could till the day came when he would join Frodo and the other Ringbearers.

 

“The day will come…” he whispered as he stepped inside his last thoughts echoing over the Shire toward a pair of blue eyes that waited patiently for the day Sam longed for.

_‘ Together… at the end of all things.’_

**Author's Note:**

> Previously published under the name Alexandrite Moonlight at Fanfiction.net


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